Nesting—or bird’s nest custody—is a shared parenting model where children stay in one primary residence and parents move in and out according to a schedule. In traditional co-parenting, children often move between two separate households or separate households, but with nesting, the children remain in the same house while parents alternate their stays. One parent lives in the house on designated days while the other resides in an alternative apartment.
Nesting arrangements require careful management of living spaces within the house to ensure privacy and comfort for all family members. These unique parenting arrangements can help reduce the stress of transitioning between different houses for children of all ages. This eliminates the emotional distress and logistical challenges of children shuttling between homes.
Financial considerations, such as child support, are important factors when evaluating the feasibility of nesting.
A Los Angeles couple, sometimes humorously called 'bird parents', interviewed by Business Insider, illustrated nesting’s benefits. After 20 years of marriage, they divorced and implemented a nesting strategy. The children felt comfortable moving between 'mom's house' and 'dad's house', even though their primary residence remained the same. They emphasized that mutual respect, shared chore schedules, and using a synchronized calendar were essential for maintaining a positive co parenting relationship. Collaborative decision making between each co parent was crucial for the success of their arrangement. They also each recognized the importance of the children having a connection to the other parent's house (living space, home), and how both co parent roles contributed to a healthy relationship for the family. While they admitted it wasn’t without inconveniences—such as limited personal space for the parents—it provided their children with uninterrupted stability.
When it comes to co parenting, mental health is a cornerstone of successful dynamics, but even more so with nesting arrangements. For divorced parents, the decision to keep children anchored in the family home while they alternate living there can be emotionally complex. Children remain in a familiar environment, but the shift in family structure means both parents and kids must adapt to new routines and relationships. This transition can bring about stress, anxiety, and uncertainty, making it essential for co parents to prioritize the emotional well-being of everyone involved.
A thoughtful co parenting plan should address not only the logistics of parenting time and living arrangements, but also the mental health needs of the family. Open and effective communication between co parents is key—when both you and your ex partner are on the same page, it’s easier to create ground rules that foster a sense of security for your children. Establishing clear expectations around household chores, privacy, and participation in school events helps children feel supported and ensures that both parents remain actively involved in their lives.
Financial responsibilities can also impact mental health. Nesting families often find that sharing the family home reduces housing costs, allowing more resources to be directed toward the children’s needs. However, careful planning and frequent communication are necessary to manage expenses and avoid misunderstandings. Divorce lawyers and family law professionals can offer valuable guidance in creating a fair and sustainable co parenting arrangement that supports the well being of all family members.
Ultimately, the success of nesting depends on the ability of co parents to maintain healthy relationships, manage stress, and provide a stable environment for their kids. By prioritizing mental health, setting clear boundaries, and working together, separated parents can help their children thrive—even as the family navigates the challenges of divorce. With the right support and a commitment to effective communication, nesting can be a powerful way to ensure that children remain at the heart of family life, surrounded by love and stability.
Consider nesting if:
It’s not permanent—nesting offers breathing room during transitional periods, such as when divorced parents split and need time before making a clean break or entering a new relationship.
You should NOT consider nesting if:
Nesting redefines what “home” means after separation. It challenges traditional custody norms by placing children at the emotional epicenter. Yes, logistics demand effort—but every packed bag avoided is a stress shielded from a child’s life. Social norms often cling to the courtroom path—but creative alternatives like nesting prove that sometimes the most effective solutions come from reimagining the family dynamic entirely.
Nesting does not work in a lot of situations because it requires a lot of collaboration on the parents part. Let’s face it, if you could do that you may not be getting divorced in the first place. If you can make it work and stability is your top priority, nesting might just be the foundation you’re looking for!
